Incomplete closure prevents new beginnings!

Wow!  That is quite a thought.  Liz White, a psychodramatist and an amazing woman who leads our professional supervision group in Oshawa, introduced me to that thought.  I like it.  It's helpful.  Incomplete closure prevents new beginnings.  What does that mean?  I think it means that we become STUCK if we do not have closure on events in our lives!  How do we get UNSTUCK?  That is a tougher question.  How do we get UNSTUCK?  

Become comfortable with uncertainty.  Face our fears.

The first step is becoming comfortable with uncertainty.  Facing our fears.  We need closure on old wounds, old memories and warped thoughts.  We must let go of old defenses and stop trying to control our lives in old unproductive ways.  We learn how to cope in our early lives when we are just children.  Those old defenses are set in old wounds.  They are based on hurts, pain and a child's way of trying to manage.  They are based on a child's perspective of the world.  They are not based on an adult perspective.  Pema Chodron in her book, Comfortable with Uncertainty writes, Based on a deep fear of being hurt, we erect protective walls made out of strategies, opinions, prejudices, and emotions. (pg. 3).  

" The pessimist complains about the wind, the optimist expects it to change, the realist adjusts the sails."  William Arthur Ward

Pema Chodron writes, "We move toward turbulence and doubt however we can.  We explore the reality and unpredictability of insecurity and pain and we try not to push it away."  (pg. 1)  Jungians call it, "meeting the Shadow."  Looking at the past is an important part of healing.

Once we have created closure, healed old wounds and let go of old defences, we can begin living fully in the present.  We can become our full and authentic selves. 
How do we do that?

New beginnings list.

  • This is what I like.
  • This is what I don't like.
  • These are the activities that ground me.  
  • This is who makes me feel fully alive.
  • This is who I laugh with, chat excitedly to, feel comfortable and happy with. 
  • This is what I want more of.
  • This is what I am truly interested in.
  • This is what I imagine myself doing.
  • This is what I truly LONG to do.

What next?

  • Start small.
  • Julia Cameron writes Finding Water, The Art of Perseverance, "Make a list of those who are your "believing mirrors".  They reflect back to you your competency and potential. They are on your side and bring to your discussions a sense of optimism and hope.  You owe it to yourself to be in regular contact with these individuals." Pg. 38   
  • Set aside your INNER CRITIC
  • Set aside your hurt child.
  • Set aside your need to get revenge.
  • Set aside your need to get answers.
  • Set aside your need to have "them" apologize.

STOP waiting for life to START

Will I ever heal all of the wounds? 

Will I ever get completely UNSTUCK?

The truth?  Maybe not.

Will it be easy?

The truth?  No.

Will it be worth it?